What if God was one of us?

Jambo auxiliaries!

Hello and welcome to the rest of your life. <pause for dramatic effect>. Thinking that’s what doctors should tell newborns during delivery. No. I’m not crazy, I just happen to have random thoughts and I happen to hear music in my head and my dreams have soundtracks… but that’s a story for another day!

Today’s post is about yesterday. Don’t be shocked, it’s a diary so that’s kinda the point <snaps fingers>. I had just left the house and was walking towards the bus stop when a homeless man saw me and asked me to give him Kshs 20. I tried to remember how much I had and realized I had Kshs 120, but if I gave him the Kshs 20, then I wouldn’t be able to have lunch or to have enough fare to stay for the evening service. So I told him that I didn’t have Kshs 20 to spare. He walked away disappointed and the song “What if God was one of us” started playing in my head. By the time I got to the stage, he was so far gone. When I got into the matatu, I took out the Kshs 20 and waited for a second chance. The matatu stopped to pick somebody near him and I gave him the money and he was so happy.

Later in the day, at around 6pm, we had just finished bible study for our ex-candidates program and we were having our usual juice and biscuits afterward. We were a lot fewer than our usual number so there were a lot of leftovers. So we started picking biscuits to carry home. Some to eat while watching a movie later, some were for others, I was picking for my nephew. I know, I’m such an awesome auntie. Then it hit me, why don’t we go around and give the juice and biscuits to the homeless? The other guys were like “Sure, yeah, we should” because how else do you respond to that. When I insisted that I was serious, they told me to go ahead. I left with my share of the biscuits and went looking around for the homeless people in their usual spots and they surprisingly weren’t there. I walked around for 20 minutes looking for them and still couldn’t find them. I was shocked! I was perturbed! I was flabbergasted! I wondered, where had they all gone to? Were they having a secret club meeting, like chama or something? What were the odds that they had all disappeared?

It started to drizzle so I had to give up my mission and start heading home, wouldn’t want to be caught up at the ‘pool party’ at my stage. I kept thinking of the significance of what had just happened. I realized that most of us give for the wrong reasons as listed below.

  1. We give conditionally. We don’t give beggars anymore because we think they are faking or that they will use the money on drugs.
  2. We give only what is excess. We don’t give if it will cost us anything, we only give what we won’t miss or what won’t affect us.
  3. We give only when it is convenient. We don’t give every time we meet someone in need, yet, we will occasionally organise a charity event to give large donations and make a big deal about it.
  4. We give to make ourselves feel better. We give to feel as though we are good, saying “Yes, I just helped that person so I am a good person.”
  5. We give to honour oursleves instead of honouring God. We accept the glory for giving instead of directing it to God, who is our ultimate source for everything.

We need to give to glorify God, not to make ourselves feel better. We need to share what we have with one another, not just what we don’t need. We need to give with a blessing, just as God gives to us. These are just some of the realizations I got. I challenge you to think about your motives for giving. Remember the parable of the widow who gave the few shillings and it was all she had, yet she had given more than anyone else in the congregation because she gave from the heart.

Don’t give conditionally, thinking that the beggar will use it for something negative. God never told us to judge who to give and who not to give for whatever reason. He simply told us to give. When we give with a blessing, then we acknowledge that He is the one giving to them, not us. After that, it’s between them and God. If they use it on drugs, so be it. If they use it on food, so be it. Give and Let God do the rest. What if God was one of us? Would you have the same reservations?

As Jesus looked up, he saw the rich putting their gifts into the temple treasury. He also saw a poor widow put in two very small copper coins. “Truly I tell you,” he said,“this poor widow has put in more than all the others. All these people gave their gifts out of their wealth; but she out of her poverty put in all she had to live on.” ~Luke 21:1-4

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What the name AUXILIA means to me

Jambo auxiliaries!

It’s been a long day as I wasn’t able to go anywhere because I woke up feeling under the weather and I totally blame the weather for that. (Yup, know that was lame, I’ll try again). Prayers appreciated as I know I will be well. I am already healed by His stripes. But anyway, just thought I might share with you the meaning of my name, Auxilia. (Yes, it’s my real name, it’s on my ID and passport and everything).

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When I first asked my mum why she decided to call me Auxilia, it turned out to be a whole story. So, apparently, she was really into Neighbours when she was carrying me and there was a character whose name was Karin. She thought it had a nice ring to it, but unfortunately, most of my extended family members were unable to pronounce it. It’s not their fault though, they just pronounced it how it would sound in Kamba which would be Kaa-Leen. Mum couldn’t picture me having to answer to that for the rest of my life so she changed it. Yaay!! Karin Kaa-Leen.

She discussed this with my godmother who offered an awesome solution. Apparently, a week or two before my birth, there had been a car accident in which one of my godmother’s friends was killed and her name was Auxilia. She told mum that Auxilia was another name for Mary, because she is/was the helper of all Christians, according to the Catholic Doctrine. Mum thought that was a perfect name and alas! Here I am 22 years later answering to the name Auxilia. Most of my extended family don’t bother with it and instead call me by Kamba name.

Over the last 22 years, I have discovered that my name has different meanings in different subjects.

  • English: Auxiliary verbs
  • French: Les verbs auxiliares
  • Biology: Auxiliary buds
  • IT/ Sound: Auxiliary port
  • Roman/ USA army: an auxiliary

Those are just a couple of examples. The highlight of my name discovery was in 2009 when I searched for Auxilia on Facebook and over 1000 results came up. Majority of the results were male accounts in Brazil and I had such a fantasy about it. I wondered how it would be if I married a man whose last name was Auxilia then my name would both be Auxilia Auxilia. Then if we had a boy and a girl and named them after ourselves they would be Auxilia Auxilia as well. So if someone called our house, they would have to specify which of the four they wanted to speak to. And if we were to receive a Christmas card, it would be addressed to The Auxilias, and that would refer to all of us. Still hoping for that fantasy to come true ;-).

Recently, my mum googled my name and got this definition. Auxilia means the queen of beauty. The website went on to describe attributes of a person of this name. Unfortunately, mum didn’t note down the name of the website event though we found it was almost 90% about my traits. Here is what it said:

1. Character: Auxilia is not easily influenced and tends to be an introvert, she doesn’t always say what she thinks and doesn’t always act according to her words. With a circumstantial and ambitious morality, Auxilia has her own system of values and beliefs which combine opportunism and interest. This strong intuition enables Auxilia to choose those around her with clairvoyance, as well as those that can be useful. Auxilia is a great seductress even if this is undertaken in a calculated and artificial manner.

2. Emotivity: Auxilia is highly emotive, bordering on excessive, and often exaggerates her reactions, particularly verbally. She bluffs her way through things and uses others. Auxilia often reacts afterwards, but in a formidable manner. She is highly subjective and believes that only her world is valid. She has a deeply fixed strong confidence in her destiny that she hides from others behind a surface humility.

3. Activity: Doted with a strong resolve and very organised, Auxilia can play on this character trait at times by feigning lack of understanding or an inability to complete in order to defend her own interests. She has a Machiavellian streak and is very clever at devising plans. Auxilia needs to complete her engagements and accept, if necessary, the need to abandon her power or any advantages she may have acquired. When everything is going well for Auxilia, she has excellent health and knows what is good, and what is not, for her physical and mental health. However, when she is not supported by success, her mental and bodily health can be disturbed. Auxilia is a conqueror who will not retreat from anything to impose her ideas, even if she has to lay her values to one side and use deviant paths. At all costs she wants to reach the end of whatever she undertakes, even if it appears that she has changed direction at times.

4. Intellect: Auxilia has a deep and analytical intelligence that enables her to have a global vision of situations. Very observant, Auxilia is also highly curious, even to the point of being indiscreet.

5. Affection: Disturbing and complicated, Auxilia appreciates great gestures, large demonstrations as her dual personality, secret and reticent holds her back and retains her. She wants to be understood, even if she is not easy to get to know.

6. Sensoriality: Auxilia troubles and intrigues her partner who doesn’t always know where he is with her and who is hidden behind her cold exterior. Auxilia is changeable, far more because of anxiety over protecting her freedom and independence than by frivolity.

7. Conclusion: Auxilia provokes lively reactions; passionate and critical… In all cases, she has a personality that does not leave people indifferent.

So there you have it. That’s everything people have told me I am or that my name means. But even with all this information, I simply think that my name, just like any other surname, means that I am a child of God. You should find out what your name means too!

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Prayer for a Lost Soul: To speak in tongues of AWESOME

Prayer for a lost soul

My words are so carefully conjugated

Flowing through my mind as though once constipated

Leaving hurt and destruction, yes, they have demonstrated

True effects of choices made wrong, but instigated

Searching to find truth among lies told, from both young and old

This world is just turning out to be too cold

Empowered by the right question

Answers investigated in the wrong places

And trusting innocent faces

Or so they seem


I’m lost in the struggle to break into reality

Coz there’s only one answer not so plain to see

Show me the answer and let me breathe

Show me the hope I lost to the desire of what’s around

Show me the way to peace


My heart is done; it’s almost out of beats

But should my heart not beat while I have been beat

Then let me start over and let’s call that a dream

Time is running out but I have to make things right

I have to let go of wrong, find right, and hold on tight

Afraid to make the choice but with you, I know I am right

And the only way to be right

Is to release myself at your feet


So here I am once again

Broken beyond repair

Be the glue to make me brand new

Arise I will as you grow in me

Fill every cell in me like it’s osmosis

Take control and erase the neurosis

Break the bonds of slavery to this world

And let us arise as one; mind, body and soul

And through me, speak in tongues of AWESOME

Amen.