Being a perfectionist that’s never good enough

Jambo auxiliaries!

A few days ago, I was asked to compile a report/minutes of the meeting we had on that day. I wasn’t sure how I was going to do it and all I had were guidelines. It had to be straight to the point and easy to read. Yesterday, I sat down and got to it, taking two and a half hours and feeling disappointed in myself for taking such a long time. I also felt it was just average and I wasn’t sure about sending it as it was, but as I continued skimming it over and over, I had no fresh ideas on what to add. I sent the report anyway and waited for the mistakes to be highlighted or the format to be corrected. However, the one response I got was positive as he even sent me this verse.

Proverbs 22:29 Do you see a man skilled in his work? He will stand before kings; He will not stand before obscure men.

I really should have captured the smile on my face when I looked up the verse. After reading it and feeling proud of myself, I realized I am my own biggest critic. This is just one of many examples where I have second guessed myself over and over searching for a perfection that is impossible on my own. I am highly judgmental about every little thing I do and sometimes my fear of failure and disappointing myself keeps me from pro-activity. I have a notion that if I can’t do a task perfectly, then I might as well not even try. I think this is a good mantra to live by but I feel I may have been using it as an excuse to stay in my comfort zone and avoid the risk of failure.

I now realize that God has called me to work for Him and while I continue thinking I am not good enough to serve Him, He still loves me and will bless the work of my hands. He judges not the work but the attitude of my spirit as His grace is sufficient for me. There are many sermons taught about not judging others, yet very few capture self-judgment. As I was writing this, this verse and the song below came to mind. May God help you see that you are good enough for Him to love you as you are.

2 Corinthians 9:8 And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that always having all sufficiency in everything, you may have an abundance for every good deed;

I’m not perfect
Yes I do wrong
I’m tryin my best but
It ain’t good enough
Shunned be the world
If I don’t succeed
Cuz I ain’t good enough
But he still loves me


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