I meant to write about how I spent my Valentine’s Day, but God decided to help me face my reality instead, at 5am on a Sunday morning. So I’ve been feeling kinda low since the year began and it’s one of the reasons for my writer’s hiatus. I couldn’t seem to pinpoint a specific reason for this so I’ve just been trying to ignore it. Clearly that’s not working though because here I am awake at 5am on a Sunday morning.
It started when I came back from a College Camp I had attended in Malindi over New Years. For the first time in my life, I didn’t have any resolutions. Decided to take the year with a plunge, going against my nature in every way.While unconsciously I know I am working on going back to school asap, consciously I feel like I am just wondering through my life without any purpose.
At some point, this uncertainty affected me soo badly that I decided to stay in bed for an entire week just trying to think of how to get my life going. I’m starting to realize the core reason behind all this is that there was a seed of doubt sown in my mind.There has been soo much negativity from the people I had chosen to be in my space as well as the programs I allowed myself to watch. I realized inception is soo real, just not as dramatic as the movie. I realized my depression is a withdrawal symptom from not spending enough time reading the word and praying about this.
I know where I want to be later in this year. It’s been a prayer request I have had since 2011. Each year, I have been disappointed and let down. Each year has come and gone without it being fulfilled. Each year, I have made plans that did not come to pass. Each year, I trusted people and they hurt me. Each year, people have told me to give up on my dreams and to pursue alternatives. Each year, people came and left me, thinking I was just living in my dreams, refusing to face reality.
In 2011, God promised me He would take care of me, yet I haven’t let Him. I always have a backup plan and a backup for that and so on. This year, I refuse to have a backup plan. I am letting my faith in Him guide me through the year. I am holding on to His promise that He is able. You should too, don’t give up on Him, He will fulfill every promise to you. And when you start to forget, let this verse remind you.
“Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us ” Ephesians 3:20