So on Monday aka Mashujaa day, I was happily scrolling down my timeline when I came across a funeral program with my friend’s face on it but with a name I didn’t recognize. I was confused for a moment, considering it was a thanksgiving status posted on her wall but my brain refused to process this information. So with a simple click, I stumbled on her wall and my worst fears were confirmed. Kay was dead. This wasn’t an April fool’s joke her Zim friends were pulling in October, she was actually dead.
So as the tears started streaming down my face, I tried to remember the last time I had talked to her. It was just last. . . and I couldn’t bear to finish that thought and realize it had actually been a couple of months. No more Skype dates or BB pings. It was over. Adding salt to injury, she had already been buried by the time I was finding this out. I know I wouldn’t have made it anyway but I felt so cheated and had no one else to blame but myself. I don’t blame social media, I blame myself. For not keeping in touch with her as much as I should have but instead convincing myself I knew she was OK, simply by stalking her timeline. I realized I do this with a lot of my friends, if I haven’t talked to them for a while, I will simply check their timeline to confirm if they are alive or not then depending on my pride, I will then try to arrange a Skype date.
I have realized that by becoming a social recluse simply because of a wounded ego, I was letting my relationships grow further and further apart and I would eventually lose them when I least expected. It was time to come to terms with my reality. What seemed to me just a short while ago was in reality a very long time that had passed. It wasn’t just with her, other friends I had considered close have gotten married, had babies and even moved to other countries and I have been completely oblivious. I felt like Jesus, having come to visit and found people mourning over Lazarus. Jesus wept. So did I. Then Jesus raised Lazarus from the dead. I would have liked to do the same but instead I just want to Skype with her.
She was hilarious on Skype, especially in the wee hours of the morning. She gave me great advice on life, relationships and family. Even though we met under the weirdest circumstances, she still made the first step to get to know me and to keep in touch with me, to celebrate with me and mourn with me. She was the best long distance friend I have ever had. I hope to be the same for someone too. I hope to swallow my pride and try to be a true friend, with the same energy that she had. I hope to live my life to the fullest just like she did. She was such a beautiful girl with such a beautiful soul, it almost seems unfair that she had to die so young. Indeed she was truly awesome, coz she still managed to give me this advice from beyond the grave.
THANK YOU KAY 🙂 This is my goodbye…
Cherish your friends and loved ones while you still can. Live everyday like it’s your last. No regrets, no apologies.